Infertility. It is a serious taboo topic now a days, which I never understood -- until I was in the waist deep shit of it. After trekking through this unknown forest I came out the other side battered, bruised and wiser. When I emerged on the other side I decided I couldn't just sit back and not help people understand how it feels when you are in the thick of it. It shouldn't be taboo, we should be able to talk about this. So here we go.
My story starts way back in 2005 -- yes I realize I am old, deal with it. I was the ripe age of 21 and had just got engaged. As we would sit down and talk about our future, our family and what we wanted from it - I was like any eager newb. I wanted like 4-5 kids. We decided we would wait a bit cause well we need to learn how to deal with each other great before we throw a kid in the mix. Fast forward to 2010. We have been married for 5 years. I have just finished my college degree and I am working full time while my husband is in his final year of school. The idea of babies came up. I mean I was in a position where I didn't have to focus on studies, so I could do a kid. But my husband wasn't ready. Not that I can blame him, his situation growing up left him with quite a bitter taste in his mouth for what a father should look like. After months of telling him I wanted one, he finally agreed to try.
The next week I stopped my birth control pills, braced for my period and got ready to have oodles of sex -- or what I liked to call the 'mattress mambo'. The first month came and went. Not a whole lot of mamboing went down, I know... not helpful. But hey... we just started right? As the months ticked on I remember the pain of every week that came when my period was due. Would it come or did I finally get what I wanted? Every month I was disappointed and felt like I had lost something huge. Tears for days, tons of chocolate and sleep. I mean how else do you deal with that?
After about a year of getting a negative every month I decided to go and see my gyno. I made an appointment, and got ready for those very awkward and uncomfortable appointments. As I donned my terribly attractive paper skirt, I got probed and smashed around. Then she saw it. My doctor found scar tissue in my uterine wall. Which is a sign of a miscarriage. My period had just ended the week before, so this was very recent. I wanted to fall on the floor and die. I had what I wanted, and my body rejected it. She decided she wanted to do a test to see how my tubes and wall were. It was possible that I had endometriosis. The test she wanted... Hysterosalpingography. Yeah I can't say it either. But I went for it.
I had to be a week after my cycle so it would have to wait until the next month. So as I waited, and waited and you guessed it... waited. Finally after weeks my period came. I think that was the first time in a whole year that I was actually excited to have a period. HA! I made my appointment for the next week and waited. The day finally came, and I was nervous. Suddenly I realized there was a chance that there could be something wrong with me. I went to the hospital and got to don a very attractive backless gown. You know the ones... the ones that are either HUGE or too small? Yeah... So as I am wearing this terribly amazing gown, I am lead into a x-ray room. I am some what relieved at first cause the person showing me in is a woman. Phew... no dude is gonna see my parts. WRONG. The doctor walks in a few minutes later. Dude. So I get up on the table, legs in the stirrups and slide my butt to the edge of the table. Showing this random guy all my goodies. Little did I know this would be the first of MANY experiences and tests where I would be showing all my secrets to the world.
This test has to be one of the most uncomfortable things I have done, not only is it somewhat painful while you do it... but you have cramps for like 14.7 hours after. I mean hell... I just ended my period, wasn't expecting cramps so soon. This test is all about checking your fallopian tubes. They insert a catheter all the way up into your cervix and inject die and take x-rays of it as it travels through. It should exit your ovaries without any issues. So we started. The catheter was nothing, I mean a little pressure but nothing I couldn't handle. The dye, well that was a different story. Remember how I said it was supposed to pass through your tubes and exit without issues... well mine had issues. It was stuck. It wouldn't make it through the tubes. The doctor told me he was going to inject more to see if it would move. So he pushed. It hurt like hell, but finally went through. He told me to go and try and have mattress mambo as much as I could now that the tubes were open.
So we played. We mamboed. And then the wait. Would it happen this time? Would my period come? After a few weeks wait I had my answer... nope. As I again cried about a loss that didn't really exist, yet felt like it, I knew that I had to keep pushing. When I talked to my gyno after the test she recommended the next step would be to have my husfriend checked. There was just one HUGE problem. My husfriend hates medicine, doctors and pills. I mean he wouldn't use tylenol unless I MADE him. This was going to be a hurdle, and not just a little one. A MASSIVE one.